The Friend Zone

It happens all too often.  A guy sees an attractive female, gets close with her and starts to catch feelings for her.  He confesses and the all too familiar response comes out of her mouth.  “Aww (insert the soon to be played gentleman’s name), you know that we’re just friends.”  Pop in the 808s and Heartbreak.  I’ve been “zoned” a few times before and trust me, it’s not a happy place.  Sometimes I’ve regretted my decision to tell the girl.  I thought she’d immediately jump into my arms and start tearing my clothes off.  I couldn’t of been more wrong.  I assumed that since we were friends it would be an easy transition.  I was given that inch, being our friendship, and assumed that I could just have the mile.  I failed to realize that some of those feelings weren’t mutual.  Now I had to deal with awkwardness while in her presence.  I felt more strained than before.

Ok, let’s back this up.  Guys, some of you are not in this situation because in reality, all you wanted to do was the no-pants dance.  Some of you actually like this girl.  That’s ok because if you spend enough time with someone most likely emotion is destined to be developed.  Some of you are both.  Hey, I’m a guy, I understand.  There are errors in both routes that I’ll explain.

When you’re just trying to sleep with a girl, she probably already knows this before you even say “Hi” when you first meet her.  Like men, women can look at a man and automatically confirm to themselves if they want to drop the draws or not.  To most women (by that I mean of high standard) sex is inextricably tied to emotion.

On the contrary, when you develop a true friendship with a female and you still pull that line but are still rejected you might’ve tried too hard at being her friend.  She was able to make you her friend with the benefits of a male perspective and strengths.  If you’ve ever helped her move, paid for all the dinners, know her parents, or talked about her current suitors then you probably lived that double role.  She just doesn’t see you as the man she needs to claim her.  What besides your strength differentiates you from most of her female friends?  She has the best of both worlds without the male driven want of sexual fulfillment on behalf of the guy.

I must also add that some women might have criteria that you just might not fall into.  Maybe you’re funny but you don’t meet her physical standards.  You might have one or two but that third one is the deal-breaker.  Those couple of qualities that you do have is just enough to keep you around, as a friend.

After receiving the crushing response some men completely quit being the woman’s friend.  Most likely they are the ones that fit into the first category but their chances are ruined forever because it fully exposes your intentions.  For the ones that stick around, I commend you (pats myself on the back).  Now comes the hard part.  For most men, trying to find your way out and into her heart is an arduous journey.  Sometimes you need to face the fact that you might be there forever.  That is unless you learn how to become exactly what she wants.

From the time you confess to her, you are automatically tossed into her “Potential Suitors” category.  This means that all your actions from now on will be judged even if you both decided to just remain friends.  In her mind, you’re still her friend but now you have potential because she’s looking at you in a different light.  She knows how cool you were when you were friends but now she’s asking herself if she would appreciate your actions (what you do for her) more as a boyfriend.  This is where the man has to shine.  This is also good for men as well because it alleviates the pressure of messing up in a friendship and allows them to flirt a little and be that man they felt you were scared to be in the friendship.  But you have to be very careful because you still have to preserve what you have.

For most men, trying to find your way out and into her heart is an arduous journey.  There’s certain ways to climb you way out of the abyss.  Don’t get mad at me if none of them work.  I can’t be blamed me for your lack of charisma.

 

1. Find a new joint – Nothing makes women more apt to confront a man than seeing what she could’ve had with you.  Having you talk about another women will make her think of what qualities she doesn’t have that made you stopped being interested in her.  Eventually, she’ll upgrade herself for you to take notice.  She did it to you for so long, do the role reversal.  I’m not saying do this in spite of her, but I’ll encourage you to move on because it will be a long journey.
2. Be scarce – Like I said before, you were too much of her friend.  Now that you’re looked at in another light, reap the benefits a little.  You don’t have to always try to be her puppy when she rings her little bell.
3. Let her witness the good life – When you do have a moment to steal with her, make it worthwhile.  You’re already her friend so you know what she likes.  This is saying, life is good with me.  She talks about what her other suitors don’t provide, so now is your chance to give it.

 

You have to have extreme patience if you get cast into this zone.  For some people it takes months or even years to even get what they wanted.  But is it worth it?  Of course, silly rabbit.  You get the best of both worlds.  To the ladies, don’t become the women that he doesn’t want to be friends with anymore.  Just as you’re judging his actions post-confession, yours were always judged from the beginning.

Am I still friends with those who I confessed to?  Yes.  You’re friends for a reason.  You still want the best for that girl and sometimes you just have to realize that it was never meant to be.