The Confidence of Doubt

Well, why deny it?  As of early this morning I became a single man once again.  I can write all about my ex-partner and events which led to the break-up but exposing her in a negative light is not only shallow, but un-Godly in my opinion.  Am I still angry about what happened with the whole situation?  Possibly.  Am I relieved?  Possibly.  But those two emotions and many others always have to counter another one.  Doubt.  Doubt that what happened and the decisions I made were the best ones.  Doubt that I tried the best I could to remedy the situation.  Doubt that the emotions I felt which had to be addressed were truly real.  Doubt that it was over.

It becomes clear to me that there will always be doubt.  However, your doubts can lead to revelations and ultimately become the determining factor in your decisions.  Unfortunately, but fortunately as well, because of doubt, there will always be regrets.  However, what is life without those regrets?  So therefore, I must say that there is some confidence in doubt.  When you feel that your doubts are overpowering your beliefs then over time, they no longer become your doubts, but your beliefs.  Deciding to act upon your doubts in another story in itself, but that’s when your confidence in them become fully exposed.

My advice to anyone who feels the same way I felt is to listen to your doubts.  Even if they might be right or wrong.  I’m not telling you to immediately act upon them, but listen at least.  Some people may find what I just said to be faulty however, without doubt there would only be unilateral, unparalleled thinking.  What kind of world would that be?  Unfavorable in my opinion.

To my ex, I’m sorry if you’re hurt.  I’m hurt too but you of all people know that things aren’t perfect.  You’ve had doubts as well.  Big ones.  Doubts that have been fully expressed to me and that have been denied by you.  But hopefully this just reinforces what you thought all along.  I don’t blame you for any of your doubts but I won’t apologize for them either.  As a matter of fact, thank you.

“Any belief worth having must survive doubt”

I can’t say this is the final edit of the post, but if I do re-visit this I’ll let you know.  Ha, evidence of doubt.