Safety First

Remember that scene in Fight Club where the narrator first meets Tyler Durden and they discuss the safety manual on the particular aircraft?  Well, all that is true.  After looking at the little pamphlet and watching the video I’ve realized that they want you to remain calm as possible throughout the drama.  Yeah right.  In the video they have all these people calmly taken out their life vest or their seat cushion and jumping out onto a slide.  The soundtrack to the video is elevator music-like.  That’s crazy, isn’t it?  Then the whole life vest is ridiculous.  Why do I have to pull the string to inflate it and blow on the tubes on the sides that look like they will stab the hell out of my abdomen?  In situations where an evacuation happens, wouldn’t people scream and try to push each other over to get out the plane?  I would.  Oh yea, the people sitting next to the exit door get prepped by the flight attendant by her asking them if they are over 18 and have read the instruction manual.  Sure, that qualifies them to sit there.  I need a trained specialist to sit there at all times.  I can’t even fathom the amount of responsibility these individuals have in the event of an evacuation.  They basically have to be the hero.  The fucking hero.  That’s a little bit too much responsibility to me.  As soon as I get that door open, I’ll be the first one on that raft.  Forget anyone else.  I’ll get the little black box while I’m at it too.